I Fell Asleep 'Smiling'

It's finally over,
(but it'll find a way to revive itself)
I think I'm getting over it.
(until something happens)

I've finished this struggle,
(or I have just begun)
A few questions have been answered,
(but even more posed)

All my whole self wants to do,
(or the part that controls me)
Is to stand there and scream.
(I'm free!)

It's no longer in my hands,
(but it's still in that corner of my heart)
It's your decision.
(with my probable intervention)

I'm crossing my fingers,
(for both of my outcomes, it's an awkward position)
You make the right choice.
(for you, because you need to care for yourself for once)

Last night I realized,
(with a large leap of faith)
I could live either way.
(either way could be hell)

But that made me happy,
(in an ignorant kind of way)
And as I closed my eyes,
(let my guard down for once)
I fell asleep.
(smiling)